How My Life Became a "Ghost Cat"
Scenes from a retiring social media hermit's 2nd annual visit to California
One of my absolute favorite movies is the Secret Life of Walter Mitty. I remember being right there on opening day with my little sister enthralled by the beauty that this awkward daydreaming man got to find across the world and within himself. I’ve always watched the movie once a year since then and one of my favorite parts in it is when Ben Stiller asks Sean Penn when he’s going to take a photo of the rarely seen snow leopard (or as Sean’s character calls it, a “ghost cat”) he trekked up a whole frozen mountain for. He replies:
“Sometimes I don't. If I like a moment, for me, personally, I don't like to have the distraction of the camera. I just want to stay in it.”
I’ve been having a lot of “ghost cat” moments lately. In a world of digital documenting, recordings of everyday life and the like, I’ve taken pleasure in the simple, living in moments and enjoying them and thus, I haven’t written in spaces like this as regularly as I used to, something I am working on changing.
I came to realize I was seeing my life as a ghost cat when I went to California last month (July). I absolutely love California and I’ve made it a point to have a yearly trip to see my sewing friends there in Oakland and San Francisco. This year I had the amazing privilege of teaching at my friend Eli’s sewing studio. I had no idea how special of a trip it would be to me.
When I made the trip last year, things were new to me. Oakland area is very much like Dallas (where I live) in terms of its “unsafe” reputation and I quickly found that it wasn’t bad at all. Navigating San Francisco was magical as usual (I’ve been there 3 times) and delivered on food. The Hiatus Kaiyote concert I went to was amazing, and Fox Theater is my favorite theater in the world. Eli was a week away from opening her shop and many of the sewists I met on that trip I had met for the first time so it was great getting to connect. Cali 2023 did not disappoint.
This year was different, not only because of the experiences, but because of the connections. I took photos with people more than photos of things and food. I went to the same concert I’d attended in 2023 but this time, I felt transported with the music.
I enjoyed hours of talking with Eli and her husband at her shop over authentic French pastries and delicious ice cream listening to their stories about how they met, how their French heritage mixes and matches with Berkeley and how her husband supported her business venture.
I spent an hour with my friend
sharing life experiences before meeting up with my friend Sarah, eating sandwiches and listening to jazz in the park, being in awe of her age of 48 (she looks 25 lol) and sharing stories of family, goals, and thoughts on the deep things that shaped our childhoods - she spent the whole day with me, it was so lovely).In the hand sewing class I taught, I learned about my students, enjoyed speaking with them (they talked so much that we did not finish our projects lol) and learning about their viewpoints.
I felt connected on a deep, personal level with people who, just a year prior, were simply faces on an app to me.
When I returned home, asking Eli to send me photos from the class because I’d neglected to take any, I heard those words from Walter Mitty,
“If I like a moment, for me, personally, I don't like to have the distraction of the camera. I just want to stay in it.” - From the movie “ The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”
The beauty of simply enjoying my trip and being immersed mindfully in every moment of it made it so that when it was time to leave, I desperately wanted an extra day. Additionally, despite the trip’s excursions, I didn’t feel tired, I felt rejuvenated and emotionally full.
Lately, I’ve made a little tweak in the way I think about approaching the documentation of my life. Photos have the beautiful power of documenting what our minds may one day lose. Capturing little moments has been an exercise, and in doing so, I have been learning when to pick up the phone to take a snapshot of life and when to hold onto moments just for me.
As I step out of uncomfortable spaces and revel in the beauty that is the life I am living, I am also seeing how much it deserves sharing. Where I once thought my life uneventful, my work uninteresting and my thoughts unworthy, in living like a social media hermit I have begun to appreciate the pieces of my everyday and have found self-compassion and self-love in who I am. Equally beautiful are the truly amazing people I get to hear life stories from, stories that exist, not in enigmas, but in transparency and honesty - in trust- something I am grateful to have attained with the people in my life.
My ghost cat moments are mine to hold and cherish, but finding them has taught me how to show up and share photos again without the fear of judgment that social media reflects.
My hope is that you find moments like these too; private moments that belong to only you, that will sit in your psyche for years to come because they touched your soul. Live and breathe in those moments, but don’t forget to take photos of your life too, to show others how full you lived.
I leave you with this snippet from the concert. This song is aptly called “Make Friends” :)
Talk soon,
Alexis
P.S. If you sent me an email from my previous post, thank you for your patience while I respond. Please know that I’ve read it. I read all emails when they appear in my inbox. Responding however takes another part of my brain I am dusting off. You will always get a quicker response from me if you comment in the app as I love encouraging the sharing of community thoughts to each other. Thank you :)
Thank you for creating a beautiful essay/post and wanting to share your wisdom with us. And I am a native Californian (northern) who lives in Texas--and it is beautiful--and so glad you were able to go there and teach and be with your group.
Oh Alexis, this is such a wonderful post. It was such a honor a pleasure to have you. I'm glad we took the time to chat and reflect on our own practices. You made me want to rewatch mitty and cultivate my inner goat cat too. I will remember to document some precious moments.